Belle De Jew

2008-09-14T23:16:00.002+01:00

I'm back!
As the title says, after a break of several years, Belle is back.

Watch this space...

2005-09-12T10:23:00.000+01:00

Wow, has it really been nearly a year since the last update?

Well, the answer is yes and what has happened since then?

Lots of work, travelling for work, meeting people for work.

So, it's all work, work, work.

And in between that managed to date two really great guys and still going out with one guy.

Going to the big JNF party on October 1 in Old Billingsgate. I think that used to be the fish market or meat market. If it is the old meat market, pretty apt for a Jewish singles type of event to be held there.

Here's a link to JNF. www.jnf.co.uk

Anyway... I might even do an update next month.

2004-09-27T23:15:00.000+01:00

Taking a blog break

Ok, so things are busy. Life is busy, work is busy and so something has to give. The result: This blog is going to take a break, maybe a month, maybe two months or maybe even longer.

It has been fun over the past few months, so thanks for all your emails. Keep them coming, I may even respond.

Love, hugs and happy shopping

Belle

2004-08-27T13:26:00.000+01:00

Updates or lack of them!

Ok, so i have not updated for nearly a month. No doubt you want to know why? As always, it is down to time.

This month, my exploits have included:

1. Travelling to Moscow (weekend), New York (long weekend) and Manchester (just a long week!).

2. Work is busy and responsible for the three trips as detailed in point 1.

3. Bought a bicycle, then sold it to my cousin two weeks later as realised I didn't really want it.

4. Meet a lovely new man.

5. Meet the lovely new man's mother and father.

6. Invited to Shabbos meal with lovely new man's family.

7. Saw i-Robot in the West End. Came away feeling, what was it trying to achieve. Poor intro, great middle, pathetic ending. No real twists. Great special effects. But of a let down.

8. Bought Planet Funk debut album. Even though it came out last year, great album. Also, car advert on TV uses their song.

Belle

2004-08-27T13:19:00.001+01:00

New update - official British weather sucks

Well, it has been nearly a month since my last posting and been getting emails asking what I have been up to.

Well, here it is:

1. Been travelling for work to New York, Moscow and Berlin.
2. Weather in all three cities far better than London.
3. Caught in flooding in London.
4. Bought a bicycle and then sold it two weeks later to a cousin.

So nothing really exciting other than the usual day-to-day stuff. Wake up, go to work, stay at work, go home. Have fun at weekends.

Belle

2004-08-27T13:19:00.000+01:00

2004-07-26T23:42:00.000+01:00

Things Jews just don't talk about - but should...

On a girls night out we discussed some of these issues that Jews just seem to avoid talking about but really need to raise awareness about.

1. Haggling over the price of a bris with the Mohel.
2. Haggling over the price of a wedding with the Rabbi.
3. Haggling over the price of the suggested "donation" for an aliyah.
4. How many Jewish men use sex toys on themselves.
5. Is the Rabbi of the synagogue you belong to actually any good?
6. Why Grape Juice without a certificate is not kosher. There's nothing wrong with grape juice but we get all het up over it. Welch's Grape Juice is great, but why should Jews feel guilty drinking it?
7. What is the point of the UK chief rabbi Dr Jonathan Sacks. Does he actually serve any purpose other than getting a well paid job of over £100,000 plus he gets lots of extras on the side including freelance writing, book deals etc.
8. Why the United Synagogue and Federation in the UK should merge.
9. How come the biggest anti-semites tend to be Jews?
10. How come some kosher places to eat are filthy dirty and the food is not not prepared in a hygenic way, yet people still eat in them.

2004-07-21T20:41:00.000+01:00

Day 3 into new job

Well, it is now day 3 of my new job working on a "top secret" new business to business magazine.

Working with the editor for our launch in early 2005. The mag is "hush hush" as they say but covers what I'm interested in: money, shopping and travel.

One nice perk of the job is quite a bit of travel. Should be going out to Berlin next month to write about a casino based there as part of a feature we are doing on gambling across Europe.

I quite like Berlin and have been there on quite a few occasions.

In September, there's a trip arranged to Monte Carlo looking at the impact of Formula 1 and how much money it brings to principality. Will London benefit from having Formula 1 in the West End?

When not travelling, edior and I will be busy planning issues and working on ideas. Even though the mag is months away, there's still plenty of work to be done.

Next week, editor is interviewing for a couple of staff writer jobs and he's asked me to join him at the interviews.

I like being thrown into the deep end and editor knows it. It brings out the best in me and more importantly, I'm working with someone who knows their staff which means I can actually learn a lot as well.

2004-07-20T22:52:00.000+01:00

JewGoo does the jewdo

I promised to give JewGoo a plug for its forthcoming party.

So here's the plug: If you are looking for a new friend, shag buddy or potential life long partner, the folks behind JewGoo are holding a bit of a Jewdo in London at Potion, 28 Maple Street W1 on August 7th from 8pm - 1am. Admission is £5.

More info: JewGoo

2004-07-13T22:31:00.000+01:00

Work and life updates

As we are now in the 3 weeks, certain things one does not do.

1. No music at weddings
2. No music apart from acapella
3. Some of my family are avoiding eating meat unless it is shabbos

So what does it mean for me.

1. No weddings for me to go to anyway, so not much of an issue
2. Looks like I'll be listening to the famous acapella group Flying Pickets - remember their cover of the Yazoo classic Only You?
3. As I am now becoming a vege, meat is not an issue anymore anyway for me.

The 3 weeks does give time to reflect on life and stuff in general.

And that also means reflecting on work as well.

I have finally decided to hand in my notice at work. While the money is great and some of the perks excellent, the sheer pressue of working almost 24/7 over the past six months is too much.

So the good news is that I am getting out of the world of accounting and entering that other most noble profession - journalism.

At Uni, I was the editor of the student newspaper and enjoyed it a lot.

Now I've got the chance to get back into it.

A client at my firm is the publisher of a number of business to business publications and let it be known that he is launching a new title later this year.

We meet up for a coffee. Then we meet up for lunch and then he made an offer. I'm going to be Assistant editor on the title working with an editor. There's a pay cut, well like half of what I am earning at present, but the opportunity is too good to pass up.

Wish me luck!

I start July 26.

2004-07-13T22:24:00.000+01:00

Nice Jewish girls like sex - part 43

Contributions are still coming in for the great debate topic

"Nice Jewish girls like sex"

Here's a response from Steven I. Weiss of the wonderful Forward

Nice Jewish girls like sex, especially after marriage, so long as it doesn't happen too often, and is always for reproductive purposes.
Nice Jewish girls like sex, except when it involves intercourse, or any oral or manual stimulation.
Nice Jewish girls like sex, so long as they're not Jewish.
Nice Jewish girls like sex, or at least the ones who'd wince at being referred to as "nice Jewish girls" do.
Nice Jewish girls like sex, if by "sex" you mean: diamond rings they can be seen with and tell their friends about; flowers; candies; babies; fluffy pillows; teddy bears.
Nice Jewish girls like sex, except they don't.

2004-07-13T22:20:00.000+01:00

Another email from "Mark"

Oh dear, "Mark" has emailed me again, why does he bother????

Anyway, here is my response to "Mark".

Mark

thanks for your email. Are you on some sort of commission to recommend that link?
Let me say, thanks for the link and indeed making me aware of it and how as you say "it will sort you out".

Not sure what you mean by "sort me out" but having seen the site in question, I think I will stick with Aish.com.

In fact, it is quite worrying for you to start making recommendations when I don't even know you.

Have you been to Neve yourself? Not really my scene as I have no wish to be anything more than a middle of the range Jew.

I enjoy life to the full and the people around me seem to also enjoy life to the full.

best wishes

Belle

>From: "iii iii" <>
>To: belledejew@hotmail.com
>Subject: Why not go to Neve
>Date: Tue, 13 Jul 2004 17:51:15 +0000
>
>Hey Belledejew,
>
>Instead of telling the world how Judaism mainly consists of smoked
>salmon, top yiddish words, cheesecake, and not much else, why don't
>you consider making a real and positive impact on your life and
>other Jewish people lives by considering going to Neve
>(www.nevey.org).
>
>I am sure it will sort you out. Educate yourself about Judaism
>before you educate the entire web world, especially when your blogs
>main purpose is to draw attention to you.
>
>You seemed to call me crude, why post a crude article about sex at
>the top of your blog, do something positive, and apply your
>professional acute personality to Torah study at somewhere like
>Neve.
>
>Mark
>

2004-07-06T22:56:00.000+01:00

Sex, Sex, Sex and finish that headline for me

Menachem Wecker who runs his own blog at http://wecker.blogspot.com writes in response to my recent posting where you get to finish the headline:

Nice Jewish girls like sex...

So do you think Menachem is being a Mean-a-chem?

I saw a post on your blog about Nice Jewish girls like sex... I tend
to think you meant the sentence to end as follows:

Nice Jewish girls like sexLESS lives, and husbands who have
mysogonistic views--whether overt or veiled--and both spend their
whole lives feeling that nature is evil and dirty and cootie-infected,
and if they even entertained the possibility of questioning their
rabbis, they might employ a more healthy approach. :)

Best,
M

2004-07-06T22:37:00.000+01:00

Why Mark wants his name off the blog

A while back, "Mark" emailed me and tried to "hit on me" in a very crude naff way.

Now, "Mark" has asked for his name to be removed as he says: "Please take my name off your blog, people will know who I am.".

Anyway, here's his email and my response to him. A word to anyone, before emailing someone you don't know, think carefully about what you say. Like in real life, a wierdo can be spotted quite easily, the same can be said for email. If you don't want to be seens as a weirdo, don't do wierd things.

>From: belledejew@hotmail.com
>To: "Mark"
>Subject: Remove me from your blog please
>Date: Tue, 06 Jul 2004

Mark

As you can appreciate, a blog such as mine is public and it should be apparent that it is based on my life and as such, real things in my life are featured.

You sent an email, knowing full well that other emails have been published - why would I make an exception to yours especially when you were trying it "hit on me" in such a crude naff way.

Why anyone would think it is you given that Mark David is a generic name, I don't know. Unless of course, this is your style of trying to strike up an online liaison and you are well known for this.

In future, you really should think carefully before emailing someone you don't know, especially when you try to "hit on them".

Anyway, your full name will now be removed to be replaced with just "Mark".

yours sincerely

Belle

-----------------------------------------------------------
When not shopping, Belle De Jew can be found at:

http://belledejew.blogspot.com

>From: "Mark"
>To: belledejew@hotmail.com
>Subject: Remove me from your blog please
>Date: Tue, 06 Jul 2004 18:16:47 +0000
>
>Hey Belle,
>
>Please take my name off your blog, people will know who I am. Please
>much appreciated. Don't know why my email didn't work.
>
>Do it pronto please.
>
>Mark
>

2004-07-02T22:32:00.000+01:00

Top Yiddish words of the week

It was one of those weeks at work when you just end up swearing in Yiddish, or atleast in your own form of Yiddish.

So the words of the week were "schmuck" as in "Look stop being such a schmuck, you agreed to the deal, so do it"

The other word was "tsoris" (well, sounds better than the way I have spelt it).

Anyway, "tsoris" as in "Look you schmuck, you are giving me a whole heap of tsoris which i could do without"

What are your Yiddish words of the week?

2004-07-02T22:08:00.000+01:00

Nice Jewish girls like sex...

Just a random headline. Send me an email based on that headline.

Each week I'll have a headline that you can add to.

2004-07-02T21:55:00.000+01:00

New blog friend

As the various pirate radio DJs would say in north west London, it's time for me to do some "big shouts".

So giving a big shout out to Joanna Honikman who is a Brit girl living in the Big Apple and writing for Heeb.

Joanna has her own blog which you can check out via this link -

http://www.honikman.com/blog

Anyway... if you want to be a new blog friend of mine, then keep those emails coming...

2004-07-02T21:41:00.000+01:00

Another year, another Wimbledon failure

Ok, so what is up with English people playing tennis at Wimbledon. Tim Henman (Jewish sounding name, but thankfully Mr Henman is not a heeb, atleast we can't be blamed for his failure).

Like, Wimbledon is in England, but no-one English ever seems to win anything.

Or for that matter, anyone Jewish...

New rant - Jews are crap at sport, face up to this folks. While Jews are great at being managers and agents, when it comes to being world class sport champions, we really do suck big time.

I asked some friends to name great sporting heroes. The answer among three people was the same:

That guy with the moustache.

For those who don't know who that guy with the moustache is, it is the one and olny Mark Spitz.

Somehow he managed to win something like 6 gold medals at the Munich Olympics in 1972.

So who really are the modern day Mark Spitzs'?

Also, while I am in a slagging off mood, how can Tim Henman be allowed to represent Great Britain at the Greek Olympics. I always thought it was only for amateurs. Actually, that really sums up Henman. So yes, he is well suited. But seriously, the guy makes money from tennis, he shouldn't be allowed to play at the Olympics.

2004-06-25T00:12:00.000+01:00

Troll alert...

Got this message in my email box

>From: "Brian Clacey" <>
>To: belledejew@hotmail.com
>Subject: Professional minority?
>Date: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 22:43:26 +0000
>
>One question: why do you people spend so much time, money, and
>energy on showing how different you are as part of your agenda of
>being what I call a ‘professional minority’, then squeal
>‘anti-Semitism’ as soon as anyone actually treats you as different?
>Why don’t you just get a life? …Or, of course, simply go to Israel
>if being Jewish so important to you.
> Yours,
> Brian
>

My oh my. Have no idea what I have done to get a warm email from Brian. Have no idea what he is on about, but nice to hear from him.

Of course, I replied pointing out that I don't see how he thinks he can get a reply when he is already quite biased by using terms like "you people" and "your agenda".

And as far as spending money, Brian, I have not spent a single penny on any agenda.

I think all that was missing was a reference to a worldwide conspiracy to take over everything.

Of course, Brian sounds like a "troll", surely there can't be such people who are really like this?

Anyway...

Isn't it time David Beckham stopped being captain of England? Once again he couldn't shot a penalty and once again England lost as a result of his bad playing.

I know David is 25% Jewish, but please David next time you are playing, don't use your Jewish talent when taking a penalty.

2004-06-18T19:53:00.000+01:00

Want to be on television? - with your mum or dad!

The BBC recently invited me to take part in a new programme called Parent Trap, in which parents get to live with their children.

Alas, despite the kind offer, on this occasion, I couldn't take part but maybe dear readers of Belle De Jew, you want to take part.

Ben, who is making the show, says get in touch if you are interested.

Here's the details...

'Parent Trap' is a new documentary series for BBC 2. We aim to highlight free-will and individuality in adult children (20-35) who've moved out of the family home and begun a life of their own. The documentary will also explore the difference in the generations and how this can result in a lack of understanding between the parent(s) and their child.

Willing and suitable participants will invite their parents to stay with them for one week in order to experience their home-life, workplace and social environments.

The most important thing is that the audience will be able to relate to certain aspects of all of the stories that will feature during the series.

We are looking for participants who’ll be willing to use the week as a platform to discuss absolutely anything with their loved-ones, from positive feelings, to unresolved issues.

If you’re interested please give me a call.

Kindest regards,

Ben Cooper

Assistant Producer
tel: 0207 239 8222

2004-06-17T20:59:00.000+01:00

Talk about taking the piss

The boys behind Jewgoo, which used to be Lychi, have now put up a top 10 chart of toilets in use in Jewish restaurants.

The boys call it the "top 10 kosher toilets", of course, the boys should realise that in the top 10, two of them are not actually "kosher". Mind, you it seems that these ones are probably alot cleaner than the kosher ones.

Anyway, Jewgoo appears to have only looked and photographed the men's urinals. What about something for us ladies?

Anyway, is Blooms the worst? Click here for a pic.

2004-06-17T10:03:00.000+01:00

Lychi is no more, long live JewGoo

London's Lychi is no more and has now become Jewgoo.

Always good to see another Jewish 20-something site around. Of course, Jewgoo has the potential to be the bunt of many a joke.

For the life of me, can't think of any at the moment, other than things to do with spunk and wankers.

2004-06-17T09:57:00.000+01:00

Even in cyberspace, guys try to hit on you

Most the guys (and for the matter girls) who email me seem very nice and generally email interesting things about them or life in general. They know that through this blog, what sort of goes on in my life and in fact what I want to talk about. But from time to time, you do get someone who tries to hit on you.

Normally I don't post the messages, but sometimes it does deserve a posting.
Of course, i have taken out this person's email address. In fact, when i tried to respond back to this "Mark" via Hotmail to his Hotmail account, Hotmail couldn't send the message as it said his email didn't exisit anymore. Interesting.

Anyway.. here's "Mark"

You will need to read this posting from last to first...
Note: the below posting I tried to respond but as explained above looks like "mark david" is no longer using the same email account.

>From: belledejew@hotmail.com
>To: "Mark"

>Not sure what you mean. You asked a question. you got an answer plus you got best >wishes.

>What more do you want.

>Oh, I see now a reference on the blog.

>In which case, welcome to the Belle blog.

>best wishes

>Belle

>From: "Mark"
>To: belledejew@hotmail.com
>Subject: RE: Hi
>Date: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 20:16:35 +0000
>
>Hey,
>
>Its too early to meet your mother, but maybe one day.
>
>Why so cold in your response to my mail? There has got to be more to
>you than work, what you looking for in life? etc.
>
>Mark
>
>>From: "belle dejew"
>>To: "Mark"
>>Subject: RE: Hi
>>Date: Wed, 16 Jun 2004 14:53:02 +0000
>>
>>hi there
>>
>>everything i want you to know is on the blog.
>>
>>everything i don't want you to know is with my mother.
>>
>>best wishes
>>
>>Belle
>>
>>
>>
>>>From: "Mark"
>>>To: belledejew@hotmail.com
>>>Subject: Hi
>>>Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 19:46:47 +0000
>>>
>>>Hey,
>>>
>>>I have been reading your posts for a while. Am a 25 male, yid,
>>>studying in Israel at the moment, originally South African, lived
>>>in London for 7 years, and am returning to London in 2 days for 2
>>>months to work before coming back to Israel to study.
>>>
>>>You seem pretty interesting and I would like to know more about
>>>you, call me crazy, but would be great to hear from you and find
>>>out more about your life.
>>>
>>>Mark
>>>
>>
>

2004-06-15T19:26:00.000+01:00

Less posts, mean one thing...

OK, here's the deal, it can be a real bum to try and keep a blog up to date for a number of reasons and like others, here are my reasons.

1. Work is busy
2. Work is busy
3. Work is busy

So that's pretty much what is going on.

I got a promotion a few months back. The bitch from hell who was my boss got fired. Her boss then thought it would be a good idea to give me a new job title. I said, "yes, that would be good, but of course, where's the extra money?". He then offered more money and with more money, more work!

Anyway.. here's a re-cap of the last month.

1. Get ready for the Euro Football Championship. Got really pissed off when England captain David Beckham missed the penalty and we ended up losing to France. Of course, Beckham being 25% Jewish can always blame his "Jewish" foot for the missed penalty.

2. Shavuot came and went. The festival of all things diary happened and as always ended up eating lots of cheesecake. Uncle Dave got carried away and he got his usual bout of gout.

3. Work - for work read the above. it has been busy, but hey more money made means more things to spend it on.

4. Bought a plasma TV. Spent £2,500 on a Sony and then when they came to deliver it, the space I had allocated wasn't big enough. So I did a spot of extra spring cleaning to make room for it. And yes, plasma does rock.

5. Cybercandy. Awesome site www.cybercandy.co.uk but more importantly, they have a shop in central London where you can buy your American sweets, or for my US cousins, candy. Bought some almond M&M's and some cans of Mountain Dew, which when I told my mother, she thought I said Mounting Jew.

Hopefully next update will be in less than a month.

2004-05-15T18:02:00.000+01:00

Another month, more work

Well doesn't time fly? One minute it was March, then it was April and now it is May and I must say sorry for the lack of updates. But when work is busy and when work pays your bills and gives you a bit left over for the nice things in life, then the blog musty come second, or even third to everything else.

So why has the blog come second?

Quite simply, been busy working on two deals. The first of course is the German deal and the fact the the planned buyout just didn't happen. Still, that's life. Some deals happen and some deals don't. Atleast we got paid our fees for our work.

The second deal involved setting up a new UK adult magazine and website. Many people think there is no future with adult magazines due to the growth of the web. But our client has a good proposition to make it work. So been busy with setting up the business and working out the best way for it to operate in an effective tax way.

Client is based in New York, so that involved a few trips out there and of course plenty of eating out at the 2d Avenue Deli.

Until next time...

Remember, the more giggles in the life, the better your life.

2004-04-24T11:20:00.000+01:00

Quick update

Passover is now over.
Work is busy.
Over the last 10 days I have been to Berlin, Prague and New York. Stayed at some nice hotels, ate some nice food and even managed to get a day off work as well.
Got a pay rise.

Lots of giggles in life.

2004-04-10T11:10:00.000+01:00

What I hate kosher smoke salmon, but still eat it (to avoid guilt)

One of the benefits of being Jewish is growing up on a smoke salmon diet - provided you are given the right sort of smoked salmon.

Let me give you an insight into kosher smoked salmon.

1. It is very cheap. You can buy kosher smoke salmon from as little as 99 pence for 100 grams. Yes, that is right. Where non-supervised smoke salmon can cost £2.99 for 100 grams, for some very strange reason, kosher salmon unlike its non-supervised cousin is sold at a very low price. Compare that with supervised meat and you'll kosher meat is usually double the price of non-kosher meat. So what gives that makes kosher smoked salmon so inexpensive? I suspect one could starting writing some sort of conspiracy theory into this.

2. Kosher smoked salmon is very oily. It is so oily that grease literally pours off it. They call the kosher smoked salmon "London smoke". Why does it have to be so oily?

3. When you buy a packet of smoked salmon, it is only cut into one large strip. When you buy non-kosher smoked salmon it is neatly cut into strips. The result of having one large strip is that you end up cutting it yourself and thus getting even more oil on your hands.

4. During Passover in an attempt to keep to as many traditions as possible, I regrettably have to keep to certain laws. One of which is only eating food that is kosher for the Passover. Hence, during Passover I will eat such poor quality salmon as the thought of eating non-kosher for Passover will mean I am guilt tripped for at least two months. I once, had regular tea during Passover a few years back and when I told my mother she was horrified. "How could you not get kosher for Passover tea?" she blurted out. I don't want to face that again, especially when I tried to explain that the likelihood of some bread-like substance entering the tea production line is remote. And if such by-products were to happen, the factory would be closed down as it wouldn't be up to health and safety standards. Of course, I feel much more confident about the "quality" and "safety" of British kosher products. (Yes, I am being somewhat ironic...)

2004-04-09T19:17:00.000+01:00

Passover is now here

Yes, Passover is now here. And I've been doing the usual Passover things - like eating food I wouldn't normally touch, but because it is Passover, I've got no choice.

Bought some special Passover instant "chicken soup" with Matzo ball. You pour on the boiling water and the cup becomes ready to eat. Cost £1.29 from Country Market and has got to be one of the worst things to eat. (Mind you a few years back I bought the Pizza made with a matzah base...)

A few people at work gave me some funny looks when I was eating this along with my chicken matzah "sandwiches". Talk about making a mess and having crumbs everywhere.

I have a Dell laptop which I use at work and thanks to the crumbs from the matzah, caused some keyboard problems - well it wasn't actually some but a lot of problems like keys jamming and when I typed a letter it somehow didn't appear on screen. Good thing for our IT department working late on Thursday as they managed to sort it out.

As usual for Passover, spent the first night with my parents and for the second night went to Miss K's parents. Miss K being a Sephardi had all sorts of delights on offer including hummus which us Askenazi folks generally avoid during the Passover. I kept it simple by avoid those products and sticking with what us Askenazi's tend to have - the plain and boring stuff.

Bank holiday weekend means one thing - more work to do before everyone gets back to work. So finishing off some business plans over the weekend.

But there will of course be some downtime - off to the cinema on Saturday night with a few friends. Don't know yet what to see but hopefully a comedy, quite like Shaun of the Dead as an option.

In terms of life being full of giggles, I have had quite a few this week and more importantly, life is good and fun.

2004-04-02T21:26:00.000+01:00

They say a week is a long time in politics and of course, a week on the web is even longer

Has it really been a week since my last posting? Yes.

Various people have emailed asking how things are and where are the updates?

The answer: Actually, there are several reasons for the lack of updates this week.

1. This Monday night is the first night of Passover. The festival where us Jewish boys and girls have to refrain from eating bread-like products for a week and instead have to buy over-priced products that are deemed "kosher for passover." What this means in reality is that, every item I eat has been under some sort of special Jewish supervision to avoid any wheat from invading the item. It also means that as Jews we end up paying more for these items of food. We also end up buying products no person in their right mind would ever buy such as a frozen Pizza made out of Matza (aka crackers). And my mother bought one a few days ago from Country Market in Golders Green for £10.

2. Work has been hectic. My firm has decided to ditch the manager, she of the Russian dialect. Turns out she wasn't doing her job properly (of course anyone working with her would have been able to tell you this). The result, one less manager with more clients coming to us. How does this affect be? Actually, it is quite good. Senior partner was impressed with my work on the German deal that I have been working on and has not only given me a pay rise but also has put more work on my plate as he has finally hinted that an opportunity to be a partner may be possible with so more experience. So thanks for the money and the new opportunity that is coming up. Of course, he could be just saying this to get me to work harder.

3. Tiscali broadband really sucks. It sucks so much that it bleeds you dry to the point where for about three days I was without my connection at home. Good news, I have now ditched the Italians and moved over to BT Yahoo. Yes I know it is £29.99 a month, but atleast BT has been pretty good with my home phone so don't expect the same level of cock-ups we got with Tiscali. There again, this is BT I am talking about. The phone company that once send me an itemised bill for phonecalls not made at my flat.

4. Belle De Jour. How many times do I have to say, Belle De Jew and Belle De Jour are not the same. Had an email from a journalist from a national newspaper. Please read this: I do not work directly in the sex industry. Through my firm, I have advised clients who work in th sex biz, but only for accounting and financial purposes. I do not sell sex, but I do make a comfortable living helping businesses who wish to market sex products. But please note, the sex part of our business is just one part of the overall business advice we give. We also advise clients who work in the property industry as well as retail. While Belle De Jour may also happen to live in Finchley, it should be noted that as far as I am aware, Belle De Jour does not share the same address as this Belle.

2004-03-28T11:25:00.000+01:00

The morning after, the Passion of the Christ the night before

In the end three of us went to see The Passion.

Myself, Miss K and Miss H.

Rather than going to a cinema in north west London, we decided to travel incognito to a cinema which is not within the vicinity of anything too Jewish - so we ended up in Kensington and the Odeon.

After all mum thought we should avoid making it known we are Jewish, or seeing it somewhere where we could be identified as being Jews. What exactly did she think might happen. Some sort of lynch mob would be looking to round-up Jews saying "You folks killed our Lord".

So what was the verdict?

Myself: "Brutal to the extreme, but what do you expect from a film that reflects that period of the time. Mel Gibson has made a film that takes religion on the big screen to a new level. Slow in parts, captivating in others, it confuses your senses and you end up being taken on a two hour journey that could have been done in 90 minutes. With the amount of flogging they gave Jesus in the movie, he surely would have been dead before even going to the cross. The music and soundtrack was well put together. The actually filming was also amazing and of course, great to hear Aramaic spoken on the big screen."

Miss K: "It was an experience, similar to how you go to Alton Towers and go on one of the rides, you don't know why you are doing it but everyone else is. That is how I felt. Also it was odd when they tried to put some humour into the film with a couple of laughs between Jesus and Mary discussing dining tables and chairs."

Miss H: "I couldn't wait until the ending. It was slow, it was boring, it was totally over the top and was more about The Passion of Mel Gibson than anything else. Factually wrong but there again, this is Hollywood we are talking about."

So there you have it, three 20-something Jewish girls about town checking out the most talked about Aramaic film of all time.

I looked at the faces of some of the other people in the cinema and the only reaction I could see was yawning.

I read about a Rabbi from Manchester who said he was traumatised for three days after seeing the film. Talk about jumping on the publicity bandwagon. I think the only thing most people will get trauma over is how long the film is and why they couldn't cut some bits out.

I wait with baited breath to see the DVD. Will Mel Gibson put in some of the bloopers?

I told my mum she has nothing to worry about. The Passion is not anti-semitic. It will not set back Jewish Christian relations. Remember, if it wasn't for all the Jews who claimed it was anti-semitic, the film would never have gotten the amount of publicity it has received.

So best to see these films for what they are, pieces of art that are made by Hollywood stars, directors and studios in order to make money.

2004-03-27T13:07:00.000Z

I am not Toby Young, but I once shared a room with him

Newly launched London weekly The London News Review writes:

"On Monday, LNR received an email from one ‘Belle De Jew’, promoting her brand new blog – the style of which bears more than a passing resemblance to the original. Sadly, unlike the original, the pretender has no links with the sex trade, choosing instead to prostitute herself in the world of business consultancy. More FTSE than foot jobs if you will. It’s also unoriginal, clunky and written by someone clearly trying so hard to get a book deal of their own they’re prepared to use spam to get their message across. All eyes on Toby Young."

While I have on occasion been graced in the same room as Mr Young (I should point out not in a one on one environment, but rather with others, his good wife included), I am not Mr Young.

Also there are some key differences between Toby and myself:

1. My first name is not Toby
2. My surname is not Young (though I do have a relative with Young as their surname)
3. I am somewhat younger than Mr Young
4. I have somewhat more hair than Mr Young
5. I have never worked with Julie Burchill
6. I am not looking for a book deal for this blog. Of course, being Jewish, if someone was to offer a book deal I would not turn it down. All money is welcome.
7. Toby writes about food that I wouldn't/coudn't never eat in a million years - I keep kosher.
8. I am Jewish.
9. There is no number 9.

2004-03-27T13:01:00.000Z

The Passion of the Belle

Off tonight to see "that" film - The Passion of the Christ.

When I told my mum that I am going to see it with a few friends, her response:

"Don't wear anything that could identify you as being Jewish. So take off your star of david."

Mum is to put it bluntly, a bit paranoid. She has been reading about reaction to the film in the States and also how the Board of Deputies and people like Greville Janner in the UK have said it is anti-semitic and could cause problems.

Of course, it is statements like these from our Jewish "leaders" that actually cause more problems.

But I am going with an open mind, I will wear my star of david and given that I look Jewish, short of having some quick plastic surgery and being made to look like Vicky Pollard from Little Britain, I don't know how I can "undo" my Jewish looks?

Of course, if we can't get into The Passion, there's always Blockbuster and we can rent Life of Brian.

2004-03-27T12:39:00.000Z

Shabbat rules

Yes, today is shabbat. It is the sabbath, it is shabbos (as one would say in Yiddish). It is the Jewish day of rest, but of course, being Jewish, one can never really rest.

And yes, I am writing (albeit on my computer).

And yes, I have taken home some work that needs to be finished by Monday.

And yes, I am not frum, but traditional and keep kosher and keep as much as I can.

And yes, I sort of always feel a bit guilty of doing any sort of work on shabbat.

And yes, up until a few years ago I would never write on shabbat.

And yes, I get this weird guilt complex doing any sort of work on shabbat, and then I quickly lose that guilt by realising that I have bills that need to be paid and unless I do it, no one else is going to give me the money. So I work as I need to in this modern world.

So yes, I will work on shabbat and get paid on shabbat and not feel bad about it.

And if I go to synagogue, I will drive my car, park a few minutes away and walk in and if the rabbi doesn't like it, then so be it. I don't tell the rabbi things I don't like about what he does and how he gets backhanders that he doesn't declare.

Today, I had a few giggles. Ideal World and its shopping service always makes me laugh.

2004-03-27T12:25:00.000Z

All that glitters is not gold

Just been watching Ideal World on Sky channel 635.

Does anyone buy any of this stuff. They are selling 9ct gold (excuse me, but 9ct is about as cheap as you can get), but why do they sell this as something amazing.

Read my lips - 9ct gold is crap. It says one thing, you are cheap. It was created by the jewellery business as a way to sell crap. Gerald Ratner could write a whole book on the subject.

If you want to buy schlock stuff (and I don't really recommend it), then you are far better going into Argos. Atleast you can take it back within 16 days for a refund without too many hassles.

In fact, don't bother with 9ct, just buy some silver instead. Atleast it is cheaper but doesn't look cheap and people won't say you are only wearing 9ct because you can't afford something better.

And if you do want cheap imitation jewellery, then my cousin knows a man in Golders Green who can do you a good deal.

He'll do you something cheap, trade price plus a small mark-up. Now that is a deal.

2004-03-27T11:51:00.000Z

The sheer chutzpah of a site that wants you to link to them, but refuses to link to you

It's not often one gets an email asking for you to link to a site and then when you ask about them linking back to you the site owner says no. So I thought I would share this as it really is taking the piss.

The blog community and for that matter, the web community is made up of people sharing links and linking to each other whenever there is something of interest. That is what the foundations of the web are built on and is we stop doing that, then it doesn't benefit anyone.

But when someone wants to take from you and give nothing back, it really is beyond belief.

So I thought I would share this email correspondence I have had with an Israeli site owner. Of course, I am not going to detail their link, except leave in some basic details.

Daniel Katz you wanted a link back, here is it and at the end of your email you said:
>>Your comments or suggestions to improve (My site) are welcome.<< Well, you could start by linking back to the sites that you ask to link to you.

Please note, everything in the email from me is in bold and everything written by Daniel Katz is in italic

Daniel

If you ask for sites to link to you (no doubt which will also improve your page ranking), but you are not willing to link back to them, then sorry, why should we be linking to you.

You are willing to take, but not give back. Shame on you and shame on you for asking.

Responsible sites, political or not always put a link back when they request a link from someone and indeed this is what makes the blog community very supportive to each other.

Actually on your site, you have links to other sites including newspapers, but you are not willing to link to blogs but ask them to link to you? You really have some chutzpah.

Maybe I should make others in the blog community aware of you and advise them to avoid linking to you as you seem to offer nothing back in return to them.

Yes, I support Middle East peace and there are better ways to support it then link to your site, increase your page ranking and get nothing.

best wishes

Belle

-----------------------------------------------------------
Belle De Jew is now in English and German

For English visit: http://belledejew.blogspot.com

For German visit: http://belledejude.blogspot.com

>From: ""
>To: "'belle dejew'"
>Subject: RE: Link (My site) to your website --- Arab and Iranian dictators oppress their 360 million fellow subjects, sponsor half of the world's major terror groups and imperil Israel
>Date: Sat, 27 Mar 2004 11:43:55 +0200
>
>Shalom Belle,
>Do not remember where I found your link. But I am now certain it was not on the link list of the Vatican.
>Being a political site, unfortunately we can not trade links with you. If you identify with our cause please place a link on your sites and support freedom (including freedom of profession) over tyranny.
>Regards from Jerusalem und Gruess Gott,
>Daniel

>-----Original Message-----
>From: belle dejew [mailto:belledejew@hotmail.com]
>Sent: Sunday, March 21, 2004 1:13 PM
>To:
>Subject: RE: Link to your website --- Arab and
>Iranian dictators oppress their 360 million fellow subjects, sponsor
>half of the world's major terror groups and imperil Israel
>
>Darling
>
>how did you know about me?
>
>If we add a link to you, what do you do for me?
>
>Can you show me on your site where you add your links
>
>My links are Belle De Jew - http://belledejew.blogspot.com
>
>and
>
>Belle De Jude (in German) http://belledejude.blogspot.com
>
>
>regards
>
>Belle
>
>>

> >From:
> >To:
> >Subject: Link my site to your website --- Arab and Iranian
>
> >dictators oppress their 360 million fellow subjects, sponsor half of the world's major terror groups and imperil Israel

> >Date: Sat, 20 Mar 2004 18:43:59 +0200
> >
> > (Links were here) Advancing democracy, pluralism and mutual respect in the Middle East The Middle-East = 10% of world land area = 22 Arab regimes, Iran and Israel

> >Dear Sir/Madam,
> >This is to request that you place a link to (My site), a leading site concerned with regimes in the Middle East. The Middle East includes 7 out 19 of the most repressive regimes in the world and their weapons of mass destruction. It is also the hotbed of Jihad (Holy War) , an ideology of world domination. The scourge of international terrorism now reaches far beyond the United States and Israel. Nearly half of the world's major terror groups are Arab and Iranian. 5 out of the world's 7 state-sponsors of terrorism are Arab and Iranian. The combination of these factors makes it more important than ever to be acquainted with the reality of the Middle East:
> >
> >URL: (the URL was here)
> Name: (the name was here)
> >Description: Concise information about all regimes in the Middle East 10% of world land area = 22 Arab countries, Iran and Israel. The site aims to advance democracy, pluralism and mutual respect in the Middle East. Arab and Iranian dictators oppress their fellow subjects, sponsor about half of the world's major terror groups and imperil Israel, > the Middle East's sole democracy. 360 million people in Arab states and Iran are entitled to the same freedom and prosperity enjoyed by Europeans, Americans and Israelis.
> >Please let us know if you plan to place a link to (My site) on your website and send us the URL of that page. Your comments or suggestions to improve (My site) are welcome.
> >
> >Yours sincerely,
> >
> >Daniel Katz, Editor

2004-03-25T23:20:00.000Z

Jew on TV shock, and it's not the chief rabbi but another bloke with a beard

Saw hirsute Ned Temko make an appearance on tonight's Question Time. The bearded editor of the Jewish Chronicle did a grand job in getting across Jewish viewpoints and gave leftie Tony Benn a run for his money when Tony gave his usual anti-Israel comments.

But the important question not asked was:

Why is it that the only time you see a Jew on TV is after 11pm and why are only Jews with beards allowed to be seen on TV?

So with that in mind, I now present a question time answer from three people, a left winger, a right winger and a Jew.

Left wing politician said: We have certain stereotypes of Jews that we wish to keep on portraying. A Jew should be seen and only heard after 11pm. A Jew should only be seen on TV if they have a beard. Having a beard means they will look just like The Chief Rabbi as we have this mistaken belief that the Chief Rabbi actually represents every single Jew in the UK.

Right wing politician says: We have certain stereotypes of Jews that we wish to keep on portraying. A Jew should be seen and only heard after 11pm. A Jew should only be seen on TV if they have a beard. Having a beard means they will look just like The Chief Rabbi as we have this mistaken belief that the Chief Rabbi actually represents every single Jew in the UK.

Jewish guest on show says: We have certain stereotypes of Jews that we wish to keep on portraying. A Jew should be seen and only heard after 11pm. A Jew should only be seen on TV if they have a beard. Having a beard means they will look just like The Chief Rabbi as we have this mistaken belief that the Chief Rabbi actually represents every single Jew in the UK.

Of course, for us gals it is deeply disturbing that when the media want a Jew to appear, they always choose a bloke with a beard, or failing that, Vanessa Feltz. It's about time, they realise that not all Jews are male with beards, and not all female Jews are Vanessa Feltz.

2004-03-25T20:05:00.000Z

No more humping in Barnet

It's official. Barnet doesn't like humping in its streets. The good folks of my council have decided to stick two fingers up at the Mayor of London and say, humps are no good for roads.

So the local council are starting to remove humps in the road and like most people, I think this is a good move.

Of course, Mayor Ken Livingstone reckons it is a bad idea. There again, having Ken as a mayor was a bad idea and like the humps, he should be removed at the next election.

If it comes to vote winner, then Barnet has picked an excellent one. All they need to do now is remove some of the neo-nazi scum who walk our streets - the traffic wardens.

About a month ago in Golders Green Road where Solly's the Israel eaterie is, out of 4 parking ticket machines near that area, only one was working and I saw some traffic warden filth issuing tickets to what looked like some poor folks who were trying to find a working meter. I just hope they complain against the ticket.

If Barnet Council can't get parking ticket machines working and if somone then parks in an area where one isn't working, why should they be allowed to issue parking fines?

2004-03-25T09:13:00.000Z

Why can't London be more like Berlin?

First thing you notice when you come back to London after being in Berlin is the following:

1. Berlin has a public transportation that actually works
2. There is much more of a "buzz" surrounding Berlin, plenty of happening things and places and people are generally much friendlier.
3. It's cheaper.
4. You want to go back to Berlin.

When I told my bubbe I was going to Berlin, she said "why give the Germans any of your time or money?"

I replied: "Well actually, my firm is being paid by a client, so they are paying us."

But I understand her position. It used to be that Jews would never drive a Volkswagen car or a BMW and then someone realised... you can't move on if you don't talk with people or do business with them.

Sure, there was the terrible events of World War II and the Jews suffered as a result, but by not buying German or doing business with Germany it is not going to improve matters.

Anyway, I am proud to say I like Berlin. Jews have lived (and sadly been killed) in Berlin for a very long time and it is place that is steeped in Jewish history. We need to remember that as well. We need to remember the positive contribution Jews play in German business and culture.

>>>Pro German rant now over<<<

Anyway... now that I'm back in London, work is fine. Our German client is ready to make a bid for the British business he is interested in. It wil be an all-cash deal which should appeal to the directors of the company he is looking to buy. So going to be busy with sorting that out and making sure that the client doesn't need to pay a penny more than he has to.

I like working for clients that are respectful. He is certainly that and by being respectful he gets our firm really motivated. And of course, he pays us very well too.

Life is back on as a series of giggles and yes they are funny giggles too.

2004-03-23T19:05:00.000Z

Now back in the UK

Well, flew back to the UK earlier today. It was a busy time in Berlin. As well as work, caugfht up with some old friends. Drank some nice cocktails as I always do whenever I go to Billy Wilder's.

Then of course, there was work to do out there.

We have a client who is looking to buy out a business in London. So went out to see him to work out some of the logistics of the deal.

Nice guy. Comes from a Jewish family who went back to Berlin after the war. Over the last 40 years, they have built up a number of successful businesses and are now looking to expand outside the country.

Also, playing the old Jewish game of who do you know. Seems that an ex of mine is a cousin of his!

Small world.

2004-03-21T10:44:00.000Z

Now in German and also in Germany

Two main things to write about.

1. I am now in Germany. In Berlin. Fairly average flight yesterday on Ryan Air. Cost a grand total of £48 for the return flight to get here. But it really is time Ryan Air improves its inflight catering. The tea is rubbish. Yes, I know I was flying on Shabbat. But did I ever say I was very religious?

Yes, I keep all the major festivals, keep kosher at home, but in this day and age, I am comfortable with doing that as well as working on Saturday. Does this make me a bad person? Or indeed does that make other people who do this bad people? The answer of course, is no. Being Jewish is important to me, but certain rules are not really appropiate and if you don't modernise certain rules, then how do you expect people to keep to them anyway. I'm not saying you need to change all the rules, but some of them. Like, rabbis should not be afraid to shake the hand of a female and men and women should site together in synagogue.

2. This blog is now translated into German. If you want to check it out in German, then click here and let me know how good the tranlation is. I have been using Free Translation to do the translating.

2004-03-19T23:15:00.000Z

Walk first before you run

Sometimes you shouldn't jump into things, especially when those things don't jump at you. Here's why...

OK, so there we were at dinner in Temple Fortune. Me, the cute Rabbi, his aunt, his uncle, some other family members and then... his partner.

Shock of all shocks, I never expected him to have a partner. There again, I never expected his partner to be male either.

He's cute too.

I'm totally speechless, for about 5 minutes.

"I didn't know you had a partner," I said in a very discreet manner which in my case everyone in the dining room could hear.

"Oh, I came out about 5 years ago," the other cute one said.

"Oh, I came out about 3 years ago," the cute rabbi said in unison with his partner. "I thought you knew."

"Oh," was about all I could say and in the process going slightly red.

And then I just carried on and chatted away as if I didn't really fancy the cute Rabbi.

So my dreams and hopes of leaving Finchley and moving to Texas are now officially on hold.

Still, it was a nice evening, we had some great giggles. We talked about Trembling Before G-d, a documentary about orthodox gay people, when he was going back to Texas, why London rains and also what ever happened to the great London fog that Americans still think London has.

Oh, and the rabbi's aunt is a laugh and so is his partner who happens to be from Maida Vale.

So I haven't exactly gained a boyfriend/husband/rabbi, but instead gained two great new friends.

But there are of course some issues for me now.

1. I won't be moving to Texas as there's no hope for me being a Rabbi's wife there.

2. What is it about me and men who are really cute. Do they always have to be gay?

3. Am I the ultimate Jewish fag hag? I don't want to end up like some sort of Jewish version of Liz Taylor or Liza Minnelli.

Life is still full of giggles, you just got to make sure there are giggles every day and if you miss a day of giggles, then make up for it doubly the next day. I've got to make up for it today.

Anyway, Berlin beckons on Saturday.

2004-03-19T07:47:00.000Z

That Friday feeling

Well, Friday has finally arrived. But why does my Friday have to start all miserable. The weather is really bad. London is once again raining. I don't like the rain.

Tonight is big date night. I have been invited to shabbat dinner by Rabbi X from Texas who I discovered was single and made my interests known that I thought he was cute and really interesting and not like other rabbis with beards (well, he doesn't have a beard which is something I look for in a rabbi - I mean, it is something I look for in a man...). I also get the chance to meet various assorted members of his family as well.

I drank some more sleeping milk last night and woke up really groggy. Let's face it, it's rubbish really.

If I want to wake up groggy and not refreshed, I might as well drown a few glasses of cheap wine from Aldi or Lidl or one of the many other European cheap supermarkets that have sprung up all over the capital offering "great value prices" (aka cheap), but generally poor tasting food, wine included.

You know things are not going to be good when you go into one of these supermarkets when:

1. They don't supply shopping baskets, only trolleys. (yes they think you are going to nick the shopping basket.)

2. They only accept cash or debit card. (yes, they think you are going to do a chargeback if you use a credit card, or you are going to use a stolen credit card)

3. They don't trust you. They think you are either going to steal from them, ask for a refund or are just going there to pick a fight with them. Their idea of customer support is take the money and provide the appropriate change and the motto for these supermarkets: "Keep it cheap to make out that the customer thinks they are getting a bargain as they are too dumb to realise that the reason why it is cheap is because it is made cheap".

4. If you want a carrier bag, that will cost you a penny or two. (yes, they want to keep prices low by getting you to pay for the privilege of having a bag that advertises them and says "I am the schmuck who buys from this supermarket and they make me advertise them for free, infact I actually pay to advertise them.)

5. They don't carry brand names, or atleast any brand names you have grown up with or know about, unless of course you have previously lived in Germany where many of these supermarkets are originally from. (yes, by going down the non-brand approach they don't pay as much as they would have by buying Kellogs Corn Flakes or Heinz Ketchup . But of course, 99% of their own brands don't taste as nice as the original or other leading brands.)

6. There's a queue a mile long at the check out and all you want to do is buy 5 items that just happen to be 5 good items. Infact they seem to be the only 5 items in the store actually worth buying. So for the sake of saving a combined £3.54 when compared to other supermarket emporiums, is it really worth the wait in the queue. Oh, I forget, it's not £3.54 as you will then need to spend 2p on the carrier bag to put them all into, so taking off the 2p, it is a saving of £3.52 with the added factor of waiting 26 minutes to pay for it.

7. They are not exactly spotlessly clean. While the "pile 'em high, sell 'em cheap" approach can work (and remember who pioneered that concept, a Jewish guy called Mr Cohen - who also happened to be the brains behind Tesco), if you "pile 'em high" remember also to clean up the mess around it when a packet breaks or the sugar leaks. Don't leave it all sitting around in a mess. And if the cleaning up products are so good, then why aren't these supermarkets using their own brands?

8. And of course, they never stock any kosher products.

2004-03-18T09:26:00.000Z

Melatonin madness

I haven’t been sleeping too well lately. Can’t think why. Perhaps it’s sheer boredom over work, or maybe it’s apprehension over the forthcoming date with Rabbi X.

My neighbour doesn’t help either. He is French, and very nice, but giggles like a schoolgirl whenever he laughs, and I can hear it all the time. Why can’t he be like mime artist Marcel Marceau, a French comic genius who didn’t have to speak at all, never mind giggle?

Sunday nights are the worst. I still get that ‘going back to school on Monday’ feeling on Sunday evenings, even though I left school nearly a decade ago. This is not good.

I’ve discussed this with my Sikh friend Miss M, who suggested I try something called Night Time Milk. Apparently it contains extra melatonin, a substance which is supposed to help you fall asleep. She says this is as a result of the cows being milked at night as they have more melatonin in their milk.

This has left me with a mental image of a herd of cows heading off to work on a night shift, but I decided to try it anyway and picked some up from Sainsbury’s the other night on the way home.

Sure enough, it does work. I drank a glass full and nodded off within minutes of my head hitting the pillow, the Gallic neighbour’s laughter ringing in my ears as I fell asleep.

The only problem is, that with 4g of fat per 100ml of milk, it could get to be a fattening habit. My mother isn’t happy about it either. She has never understood remedies, and thinks melatonin is a new form of E. I had to point out to her it’s legal, sold at the supermarket and is not habit-forming. So I decided to prepare a graph chart for said mother, outlining the pros and cons of each sleep remedy.

1. Valium
Pros: Can work quickly.
Cons: Can become habit-forming quickly and need doctor’s prescription.

2. Sleeping pills
Pros: Also can work quickly.
Cons: See valium. Also: if not supplied enough and becomes habit-forming, you might end up having to buy from dealer.

3. A mixture of valium and sleeping pills
Pros: Definitely would work quickly.
Cons: Could cause early death.

4. Herbal sleeping pills
Pros: Can buy off the shelf, work quickly, not habit-forming.
Cons: Being herbal, there’s no guarantee they will work at all.

5. Night Time Milk
Pros: Can buy in supermarket, and the melatonin works.
Cons: Can leave you groggy, only comes in semi-skimmed variety so more fattening than my usual tipple of skimmed milk.

2004-03-17T22:53:00.000Z

Something kosher and salty in my mouth

Yes, it is bit of a smutty headline, but does draw some attention. The reason for it, several Belle readers have asked how we got on with Folman's fish and chips last night.

Alas, not too well. Folman's used to be grand. But on this occasion, the chips were nice but the fish's matzo meal coating was rather salty. Don't know why it should be like this, after all, matzo meal shouldn't contain salt.

But of course, there is a solution to this problem, avoid Folman's and choose somewhere else.

While not being kosher supervised, Sam's in Golders Green seems much nicer and I have never had a salty moment with them when buying some fish and chips.

But on a positive note, my £2.99 bottle of Bulgarian Merlot wine from Tesco went down a treat.

Tonight took it easy, watched some telly. Phoned a cousin of mine in New York and had a giggle at the expense of someone else.

Life was fun today, laughter at work made up for the past week's boredom and sombre atmosophere that the other senior partner was creating.

Maybe I'll get that promotion and posting abroad for three months after all. I'll find out next week.

2004-03-17T17:46:00.000Z

10 things about Belle De Jew

A number of readers have started asking questions, such as where is Finchley?, am I single? how long have I been working in the porn industry? where do I shop? which synagogue can I be found at and what food are you tempted by?

Well, to get things cleared up, here are 10 things you need to know.

1. I am Jewish. For a very useful guide to explain what is a Jew, then check out the meaning of Jew at the Wikipedia.

2. Finchley is located in north London and is home to a number of exciting places. Well, I do say exciting in the loosest possible way. Hence while I may live in Finchley, I am only there to sleep and wake-up.

3. I don't work in the porn industry at the moment. I have been offered a number of opportunities to be a director of finance for adult entertainment providers. At this stage in my career, I am more than happy to work for my firm which does provide advise to such businesses in terms of setting up and managing the finances. Of course, working for the firm means I can divide my time between the more "adult" clients and the regular clients.

4. Like most people, I have a book in my head that is eager to be written. And yes, it is the first Jewish erotic novel.

5. "Who am I?" - that's one of my favourite lines that Ben Stiller uttered in Zoolander. So the question to me is "Who am I?" - well, as previously stated, I am a professional Jewish working girl. I am single. I have hay fever. I like to spray on Cool Water Women by Davidoff and enjoy smelling a man wearing Zara Man.

6. I enjoy spending my ill-gotten gains in Zara in the UK and also when I get the chance to go to Europe. The Zara store in Berlin that used to be a cinema is one of my favourites. In the States, you can't beat Old Navy. I spend far too much money on Benefit cosmetics and even though I have been going to Charles Worthington, I have yet to meet the man himself.

7. I enjoy being a floating shul-goer. That means, I don't have any allegiance to one synagogue. I've been there, done shabbat and wore the t-shirt. I like the Saatchi Shul for its happy-clappy atmosphere and Woodside Park for playing spot the horny single shul-goer. Alas, I have yet to find more than two horny males from Woodside Park, but still live in hope.

8. Work is hectic, hence tend to take either long weekends or mid-week breaks. Once did a long weekend in Dubai with my sister which was fun and also, sadly a good reason why not to have an Israeli stamp in your passport as without it, there were no hassles getting in. Food was great and, if you are into watersports (no, not that type), it has everything you could want and given that one of my clients is a giant in the world of watersports, it was free to me and my sister.

9. I don't do drugs, but enjoy sugar free red bull. All the taurine without putting on weight.

10. When it comes to food, I'm picky. Enjoy italian, mexican, japanese and of course kosher. I can take or leave curry and one day would like to try filipino food. There's a neat looking Filipino cafe in Charlotte Street in the West End, but not too many vege options, as I won't eat non-kosher meat out but will be tempted by vege dishes and of course, kosher fish.

2004-03-17T08:18:00.000Z

"Porn worker by day, shulgoing demure lass by weekend"

Got a very nice write up in the equally very nice blog belonging to Sarah Weinman.

But had to write to Sarah and point out that this Belle is no "porn worker". I posted onto Sarah's blog mainly to set the record straight for the sake of my 85-year-old bubbe who would probably assume that "porn worker" means, a lady who provides services of a sexually revealing nature. The last thing I want to give Bubbe is her first heart attack by thinking her granddaughter is some sort of Jewish porn princess.

Good thing that Sarah didn't mention that we are also involved in the "watersports" business. (yes, we have a very successful client who arranges watersports in the Red Sea and is the constant butt of innuendo jokes - more on that at a later time).

Of course, while I have done my fair share of advising clients at the firm on their business plans for various porn ventures, providing "porn" services as part of our offering does not come into the project scope. After all, senior partner is no Ron Jeremy.

Darling - thank you for mentioning my blog, but "porn worker by day"?

OK, so I am doing some business advice on a porn project for a client at the moment, but it is only one project my firm and I are doing.

Other projects include advising on the setting up of a chain of bagel stores in the north west of England.

But is it "porn" or "adult entertainment" as the client keeps on referring it to.

As far as I'm concerned and also that of the firm, it is easy money that pays our bills very well.

Life is full of laughs, maybe today at work there will be a few more giggles.

2004-03-16T20:32:00.000Z

Kosher fish and chips night

Nothing can be finer than a piece of cod or haddock done in matzo meal. Tonight, I'm having a few girlfriends coming round to Chez Belle.

So went over to Folman's in Hendon for four medium cod and two portions of chips. There's no point getting four portions of chips as you always end up only eating two lots.

One of the girlfriends, Miss M a nice Sikh girl (so if there are any nice Sikh boys, get in touch she's looking for her Sikh version of a mensch) pointed out as the honorary non-Jew that fish and chips only works well with matzo meal.

Self-loathing Jewish girlfriend, Anna F, pointed out that matzo meal is too Jewish and she doesn't need to be reminded of the products one eats during passover.

"It's bad enough having matzo this and matzo that during Pesach, but do I really need it other times of the year? All matzo reminds me of is constipation."

Miss J, sits on the fence. She appreciates both matzo and also battered fish. "Of course, it has to be done in beer batter," J pointed out.

Quite frankly, I don't really care either way, as long as it's served with the Belle favourite tipple, Bulgarian Merlot. Tesco are doing this for a bargain £2.99.

Yes, I know it is a red wine and purists will say "You can't have red wine with fish," But I say, it's my tummy and I'll put whatever I want in it.

We carry on eating and drinking and generally have a giggle about how crap work is and why none of us want to get emotionally attached to our jobs.

2004-03-16T14:39:00.000Z

Party twice

What is it about parties? You don't get invited to one for ages and then two come along at once, just like the 83 bus in Golders Green that goes to Hendon.

So I mentioned I won't be able to go to one already and here's the other one I won't be able to go to - Lychi launch party.

A kind reader pointed out that the folks who run the Lychi website - www.lychi.com - are having their own unique Jewdo this Saturday.

Details:

March 20th 2004 8.30pm

The address is:

Flat 2,
28 Compayne Gardens,
West Hampstead,
NW6 3DL

Hold on... Compayne Gardens? I remember being part of a drama group there a few years back when Macabbi used to have its centre there before they sold out to some property company to have the location redeveloped into over expensive flats.

Haven't been there for ages? Did the flats ever get built? How much money did Macabbi get for selling out and did they ever invest it back into the community?

2004-03-16T14:12:00.000Z

Party like it's 2004

Got e-mailed an invitation to a party this Saturday night.

Must be on some mailing list that gets forwarded to loads of people you don't know and they don't know you either. And then it gets forwarded on again. Still, it all adds to the mystery of life and makes it all a bit fun really.

The event is in aid of charetee! Yes, that is charity (if I could remember how to spell it...)
All proceeds are going to Norwood and the Karen Morris Memorial Trust and it will cost you £10 to get in.

Details are:
e-mail: march20@breathe.com
Shillbeers
North Road
London N7
Doors 9pm to late (hope late means atleast 2am, unlike many JewDo events where late means a time when your mother or father are still prepared to come out and pick you up, which is usually around 11.30pm).

No details of age group, but looks like a 20-30 something crowd.

Will I be going? Alas not, off to Berlin on Saturday for a couple of days. A bit of business and also a bit of pleasure. Looking forward to seeing the Potsdamer Plaza, great for shopping, eating and catching some films.

2004-03-16T08:02:00.000Z

Goy meets girl or why a bit of yock is not for me

Well a few of us went out last night to see Suzie Gold.

As Brit/Jewish/Chick flicks go it was good.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and so one can relate to this and some of the characters.

It wouldn't be fair on me to name who in Suzie Gold is exactly like someone I know. But Suzie's sister is exactly like a friend of mine, Jane K.

And of course, Rachel Stevens does a stunning performance of herself.

Its views of Jewish London are also spot on even though quite a bit of the film was made in the Isle of Man.

As for the undertone of the film, Goy meets girl. As a kosher lass, there's plenty of nice Salami in the sea and a bit of yock is not for me :)

You see despite what some people might think, Jewish men are good men, they come in all shapes and sizes and in all sorts of attitudes. Some are bold and strong others are meek and humble, but they are still Jewish and we cannot afford to stereotype for the sake of it.

And hey, if Jewish men are OK for non-Jewish women, then Jewish men are equally OK for Jewish women as well. (I guess there is some sort of logic in this...)

And if we don't date fellow Jews, well, 'er is there a future? (Rant now off...)

Best of all, there's a great Jewish guy I am seeing this Friday. Only a few days to go for our date. Well, I do say date is the loosest sense of the word, it is a Friday night meal with him and assorted members of the family. But he's a Rabbi, cute looking and has a sense of humour (or as being a Texan, sense of humor.)

Back to work today. It still sucks, but the money makes up for it.

2004-03-15T17:40:00.000Z

Day over

Thank g-d I am doing this for the money and have the ability to not get emotional during the course of the day. It's business, nothing personal, so goes our daily mantra that the manager installs in us.

Now time to get home, freshen up and then out tonight.

I'm seeing Rabbi X this Friday night (well, not exactly one2one, more like, me, him, his aunt, uncle and a few other cousins, but I'm seeing him), but can't get him out of my head from Saturday's Kiddush.

I've got his number, shall I call him? (Maybe not)

There's enough going on in my life, like tonight. Finally going to see Suzie Gold. Brit-Jewish chick flick, reviews seem to be mixed and a few of us want to see if the life shown on the big screen is the life we are living.

Talking of living (well actually working), did I mention that on some days, I'm glad I only do it for the money.

You can't get too emotional or too attached to the clients.

The manager has got me working with this piece of scum and helping him develop his business plan. I'm not a prude, but there comes a time, when you have to say enough is enough and even though this guy has got a unique idea for his porno site (yes, mum, I am working with a porn merchant), how many more porn sites are needed?

Sleazy guy. He asked me out tonight for a drink. Yeah right. Told him I'm going out with the boyf (OK, so I don't have a boyf at the mo, but he believed it which was the main thing).

The other reason for not getting too emotional is when you see a client down on their luck. What do you do when you know what you are doing is going to mean someone's life is going to dramatically change for the worse.

The manager, she of the Russian accent and long fingernails has also got me working with one of the partners on sorting out the affairs of this middle aged guy. Of course, we are working in the interests of the bank with whom he owes £1.5m.

His business is on the verge of going belly up, he used to own a small chain of newsagents in Essex and due to the expansion of the supermarkets with their metros this and express that, people who used to come to him for some of those basics are now going to the supermarkets.

The business does not have a future, there is no way to turn it around and the bank wants to make sure they get as much out of him before the Inland Revenue come around.

So we are working on how to organise his business better. Atleast that is what the partner has said to him. I'm sure he knows what we are really trying to do. He's smart, really nice and this is one of those occassions where you feel a bit emotional about what you are doing.

Anyway, there's more to life than this. I certainly hope so.

2004-03-15T11:22:00.000Z

Finding love at shul?

Spotted rather cute visiting Rabbi on shabbat. A yank of all sorts, kind of like Ben Stiller from Keeping The Faith. But unlike Ben, Rabbi X was totally kosher on both sides would means if lust leads to love and love then leads to marriage we can have a proper wedding.

We spoke briefly after the service during kiddush and both commented on how bad Palwin number 10 is and why do they make up these crazy sounding names for kosher wine. Apart from Palwin number 10 and number 4 and 4a, are there any other types?

Update: Miss J a reader to Belle De Jew kindly says: "Yes, there is another type of Palwin called number 11." - Thank you.

He's from Texas, yes a Texan Jew! About the only famous Texan male Jew is Michael Dell and he's not a patch on Rabbi X.

We clicked. He said he was going back to the States at the end of the month and would I like to go out for a drink with him before then. Of course. Date has been set. Next Friday night at his aunt's house in Temple Fortune.

He is a conservative Jew, not conservative in the sense of supporting Michael Howard and Oliver Letwin, but conservative in the sense of religious upbringing. This suits me fine as a middle of the road, US (that's United Synagogue, not United States) shul goer, there is plenty of religious synergy between us.

My mother were rather taken aback when I mentioned that I thought for a Rabbi he was rather fit and equally great for for some midnight loving.

"What are you saying? You wouldn't mind shagging the Rabbi?" My mum said, in her liberal sounding voice.

"Yes, he is really cute. He doesn't have a girlfriend and from what I could also find out has not got a yenta trying to get him married off either," I replied. "So yes, would love to shag him."

2004-03-15T10:46:00.000Z

Starting out

There's a first time for everyone and the manager in her most creative way has decided to introduce the new client to me.

"Darling," she says in her dry Russian accent. "We have this new client who is looking for someone like you?"

"Oh," I say. "What exactly do you mean?

"Well, he phoned up explained what he was after and also revealed he never had it done to him before," the manager said.

"And how much is he paying?" I ask.

"He will be on the £200 an hour scale," she said.

Seems the said client has just set up his first business. Armed with a pay-off from his media company which made him redundant just before Xmas, client Y has decided it is time to launch a new website and needs to make sure the business is strutured well financially.

"Well, I got a £100,000 pay off," he told me. "I've put £50,000 into the bank and thought I would use the other £50,000 for setting up the business."

His new website sounds interesting. It's based on a well proven business model and if he can crack it, then it's likely to make money. Ethics aside, it's not illegal to operate websites that display people with their kit off, but I do feel the manager needs to not always get the work for the sake of it. Aren't there other firms who could do this?

"Yes there are, but darling (why does she insist of always calling me darling?) we have worked with a number of adult entertainment businesses in the past and they trust us," she said.

Sometimes when you meet a new client you enjoy their company. Sometimes you don't and you realise you are only in this game for the money.

In the case of client Y, I can honestly say, I am in this just for the money.